Thursday, September 13, 2012

Feeling lost

Over the past three-four weeks, I've felt out of sorts. I've felt like I've run into a wall that wasn't budging. At. All. I've been really busy with life stuff. Kids getting back into the school routine. Adding in homework and swim team every afternoon. Anns absolutely LOVES it. I'm so happy that she has found an activity that she loves so much. And she's really great at swimming.
At the hospital, we are going to a new computer system so we are having to go to classes on our days off. It's hard for me because I do have another job. I'm so thankful that the family I nanny for have been so great to adjust to things that I need for my classes.
Also, I've felt a little out of place with my spiritual growth. I'm having a hard time finding a church where I can be actively involved. I would love to be able to be apart of a singles group or Bible study. Most churches in the area have small groups at night. I would have to miss every other week. And ones offered in the daytime, tend to not be where I am in my life. It's hard to feel included in certain things. I understand all things "mom" related, even though I'm not a mom. I'm an "older" single. Passed the college aged group. Just kinda in the middle somewhere.
My weight loss has slowed down. I have found myself eating things that I shouldn't be eating. For the first time since surgery, I wanted to consume 17 Oreos with a huge glass of milk. Comfort food. I've found myself turning back to the one thing that's always been there for me. At one point, I was sad that I couldn't eat all that I wanted to. I have lost motivation about working out. It was a hard week for me. I have been planning a party for my 100 pound loss. I have a date set, things bought, invitations sent. Now, I'm feeling the stress of losing the next 19 pounds.
I made the decision to start seeing my therapist again. Best decision I could have made for this time in my life. I'm so thankful God put her in my life 6 years ago. So, I am beginning to sort through some things going on.
I know that I will not always feel like this. And that joy comes in the morning.

1 comment:

  1. Don't get discouraged! I will pray you find a church that feels right and that God will lead you to a women's group of some sort to give comfort! You have accomplished so much! You will reach your goal! You can do it! If you need to talk you know where I am!! I'm so proud of you for losing 81 lbs so far! You can get the rest off!!