Four years ago, my life changed. A precious baby girl was born into this world. I can still remember the moment I found out that my brother and his wife were having a baby. I was becoming an aunt. I remember where I was when I found out the news that she would not be able to live with us in this life. A major medical problem would stand in the way of the life we had dreamed of with her. I'm so proud of my sister in law and brother for giving Harley a voice in this world by not ending her life when the doctors suggested otherwise. By carrying Harley until she went into labor, Amanda gave Harley a place in this world. On December 21, 2008 Harley Grace made her silent entry into our lives.
This is something that I would tell Harley today:
I'm so proud to be your aunt. Your mere existence in this world has changed my life. I look at things through a different lens now. I count every single moment as a precious gift from God. Your life brought me closer to your dad. I will never forget the first moment that he held you. And told you how beautiful you are. I can only imagine what you would be like as a 4 year old. Would you be wild and crazy or quiet? Would your hair be blond or brown? Would it be curly or straight? Would you like to watch cartoons? Would you be willing to cuddle in my lap and read a book? There are so many unanswered questions about how life would be if you were here. But, I can tell you that I'm so thankful that God blessed my life with you as a niece. I held your tiny body in my hands and longed so much for God to chance the outcome. But His ways are better than my ways. He knew what the outcome of your life was to be. I am grateful that He allowed you to make such an impact in my life. I have loved you since the very moment you were created. And always will.
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
How vast is the sum of them!